The underlying dynamic of shame is the fear of rejection and abandonment.
– Carl Schneider
(from Shame and Grace p 107)
In short, inside our shame broods the worst of all fears, a fear that is the sting of death itself, the fear of rejection.
This lands us feet first at one of the most important points of this entire book: the experience of being accepted is the beginning of healing for the feeling of being unacceptable. Being accepted is the single most compelling need of our lives; no human can be a friend of herself while at the edges of her consciousness she feels a persistent fear that she may not be accepted by others. Not accepted by what others? By anyone important to us who may size us up and find us wanting.
